Tapping on Relationships - Getting to the Heart of the Issue
If you have been in a romantic relationship then you can certainly relate! Relationships are something we yearn for, that fairy tale experience of meeting someone that is your perfect match and living happily-ever-after. Right?!
There is a reason why the actual story in fairy tales end at the peak of happiness for the lovely couple. This is often when the two love birds get married or set the intention of remaining together for a considerable time, often for the rest of their lives. Which is a rather long time and a big commitment. It is interesting that happily-ever-after is so vague! It sets the president that there are only happy times to come and the only way is up. Maybe that was the case back in the day as the average lifespan was rather short, so happily-ever-after may have rather swiftly reached till-death-do-us-part, leaving little time to move out of the honeymoon phase of the relationship and settle into the ebbs and flows of a long term relationship with know and love today.
For a hopeless romantic like myself (jip, I know the words to pretty much every scene of Pride and Prejudice), the reality of what happens after the happily-ever-after part of the love story came as rather a massive blow starting of course with my first love. The lesson of which I had to learn over and over again throughout my life. The idea that I have built in my head of what happily-ever-after looks like and feels like was completely different and it was also different in every relationship...some relationships came close to the ideal and others were drastically lacking the fairy tale sparkle.
What I have learnt though weren't something that I could know without experiencing the hard realities of heart ache, rejection and disappointment. I learnt the fairy tale part of the story is something that happens naturally and is the easy part of the story. People meet, fall in love and want to spend their time together. It's the what happens next that was a bit tricky and I can see why this part is never told to our young, it is COMPLICATED!
COMPLICATED might be the understatement of the century. Some parts are wonderful, fun, exciting and easy while other parts are tedious, disgusting, painful, disappointing. These peaks and troughs of relationships vary in longevity of each peak and trough as much as the content in which they are created for each individual couple. However, it is clear that working through these periods of discomfort and hard times takes effort and dedication.
Regardless on what the effort entails or what it looks like, when one is down, the only way is up! So how do you work through stuff to get closer to the getting up part of this equation. There are of course many ways and here I will demonstrate a way of working through the rough times by using Emotional Freedom Techniques. However, before you can start tapping, you need to dig deep.
Before your start tapping, you need to work out what you are going to be tapping on. For example, you had an argument about the dishes. Tapping on the argument you had about the dishes is fine but you want to be able to get to the heart of the issue. This is where the real work is and the big potential for change is.
Sometimes we are so focused on the evidence that we forget about the heart of the issue.
What do I mean by this? Things that we often argue about like:
These are all evidence that adds to what is at the core or the heart of the issue.
The heart of the issue include things that you have collected along the way that has formed a belief. A belief is just a thought we keep thinking. Change the thought, change the belief. This sounds very easy and sometimes it is for belief's that are new and that we have recently picked up on our path. Beliefs that are long standing and belief's that developed in childhood form core beliefs. These are much harder to change as you have been thinking and finding evidence to support this belief subconsciously all of your life. However, it is possible to change, when you realize and know that:
Another great way of getting you through the rough spots in your relationship is through meditation. During meditation you are able to get back to center. This basically means that you stop all the chatter and outside information and take some time to go within yourself and just feel yourself for a moment again. By doing so you are able to start each day again from a point of stability and therefore you are able to keep your footing more readily over rough waters.
My new short guided meditation is loaded onto my channel. Try it out for yourself here...
If you are unfamiliar with EFT and would like to learn tapping for yourself, try my free online course MeTap - FastTrack Course to Living your Best Life with EFT.
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| Image by Susanne Jutzeler, suju-foto from Pixabay |
There is a reason why the actual story in fairy tales end at the peak of happiness for the lovely couple. This is often when the two love birds get married or set the intention of remaining together for a considerable time, often for the rest of their lives. Which is a rather long time and a big commitment. It is interesting that happily-ever-after is so vague! It sets the president that there are only happy times to come and the only way is up. Maybe that was the case back in the day as the average lifespan was rather short, so happily-ever-after may have rather swiftly reached till-death-do-us-part, leaving little time to move out of the honeymoon phase of the relationship and settle into the ebbs and flows of a long term relationship with know and love today.
For a hopeless romantic like myself (jip, I know the words to pretty much every scene of Pride and Prejudice), the reality of what happens after the happily-ever-after part of the love story came as rather a massive blow starting of course with my first love. The lesson of which I had to learn over and over again throughout my life. The idea that I have built in my head of what happily-ever-after looks like and feels like was completely different and it was also different in every relationship...some relationships came close to the ideal and others were drastically lacking the fairy tale sparkle.
 |
| Image by Rogier Hoekstra from Pixabay |
COMPLICATED might be the understatement of the century. Some parts are wonderful, fun, exciting and easy while other parts are tedious, disgusting, painful, disappointing. These peaks and troughs of relationships vary in longevity of each peak and trough as much as the content in which they are created for each individual couple. However, it is clear that working through these periods of discomfort and hard times takes effort and dedication.
Regardless on what the effort entails or what it looks like, when one is down, the only way is up! So how do you work through stuff to get closer to the getting up part of this equation. There are of course many ways and here I will demonstrate a way of working through the rough times by using Emotional Freedom Techniques. However, before you can start tapping, you need to dig deep.
GETTING TO THE HEART OF THE ISSUE
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| Image by skeeze from Pixabay |
Sometimes we are so focused on the evidence that we forget about the heart of the issue.
What do I mean by this? Things that we often argue about like:
- the dishes not being put away or
- the towel being left on the carpet or
- not having enough money to go on holiday or
- whatever the issue is in your relationship.
These are all evidence that adds to what is at the core or the heart of the issue.
The heart of the issue include things that you have collected along the way that has formed a belief. A belief is just a thought we keep thinking. Change the thought, change the belief. This sounds very easy and sometimes it is for belief's that are new and that we have recently picked up on our path. Beliefs that are long standing and belief's that developed in childhood form core beliefs. These are much harder to change as you have been thinking and finding evidence to support this belief subconsciously all of your life. However, it is possible to change, when you realize and know that:
A belief is merely a thought that you keep thinking.
Some thoughts you have been thinking for a long time and others not so long.
So before your start tapping you need to peel back the layers of the onion so to speak in order to get to the heart of the issue. So to take the dishes example start peeling back the layers:
The evidence: The dishes haven't been washed and put away!
Peeling the layers:
Think of yourself as the Therapist, Scientist or Investigator.
You are the case and you are going to follow the trail to the starting point.
Questions:
How is the dishes not being done affecting me?
I have to be the nag or I have to do it myself.
What about the dishes not being done is making me upset?
It is added to my to do list and making my work harder.
What is the feeling associated with this experience?
Frustration
Where does this frustration regarding dishes come from?
It comes from me having to always be the responsible one.
What might be the earliest memory you have about this frustration associated with dishes?
Having to take responsibility for the dishes while my sibling always got a way to get herself excused from the task.
How did that feel?
It felt unfair.
Was there other times when you felt unfairly treated?
Yes, my siblings got away with anything but I was always punished or not believed.
Why do you think people treated you this way?
They didn't like me as much. I wasn't good enough.
The heart of the issue: The belief that I am NOT GOOD ENOUGH.
See how working from the point of the evidence (dishes not being washed), peeling off every layer of the onion, brings you to the heart of the issue?
So the reason the dishes not being washed and put away is such an issue for you is that at the core you don't feel good enough. The fact that your partner has again shown evidence that you aren't good enough to have your request be taken care of namely the dishes be washed and put away, hurts and causes friction.
This is a simplified example and it shows how something so simple can actually come from a serious and hurtful belief that needs to be changed.
Next week I will provide a tapping script for relationships!
INFINITE CONNECTION - GUIDED MEDITATION
Another great way of getting you through the rough spots in your relationship is through meditation. During meditation you are able to get back to center. This basically means that you stop all the chatter and outside information and take some time to go within yourself and just feel yourself for a moment again. By doing so you are able to start each day again from a point of stability and therefore you are able to keep your footing more readily over rough waters.
My new short guided meditation is loaded onto my channel. Try it out for yourself here...
Want to learn Emotional Freedom Techniques?
If you are unfamiliar with EFT and would like to learn tapping for yourself, try my free online course MeTap - FastTrack Course to Living your Best Life with EFT.
Alternatively, learn more advanced or specialized EFT skills by checking out the below courses:
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