The Regret Trap and How to Get Out of It with EFT Tapping
We're fast approaching the end of the year and the New Year celebrations are just around the corner. However, there is a strange sort of time capsule of sort between Christmas and New Year.
The big celebration we have been preparing for, excitedly waited for and enjoyed is now over (Festive Holiday) and we enter this sort of space in time that feels different. This week for me seems like a time where we work through the year's events. The up's and down's. 2019 seems to have been rough on most of us so as this year comes to an end I am really feeling a mixture of emotions.
During this time you may notice questions mulling around as you try and make sense of the past year, work through aspects of the year in order to close it off, and move on. Such questions might look like:
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During this time you may notice questions mulling around as you try and make sense of the past year, work through aspects of the year in order to close it off, and move on. Such questions might look like:
What went right?
What went wrong?
Where did I go wrong?
What can I learn from this experience?
How can I prevent this from happening again?
How did I get here?
What could I have done differently?
Why did I make that mistake?
I should have done more?
I could have been more?
Some parts of the year might be easy to work through. There might be things you want to write off completely and others you want to keep to savour the memory. Yet, there will be events, situations, memories that you would like to have done differently, take back or learn from. This is where 'regret' can become a powerful force for growth or a regret trap.
I should have done more?
I could have been more?
Some parts of the year might be easy to work through. There might be things you want to write off completely and others you want to keep to savour the memory. Yet, there will be events, situations, memories that you would like to have done differently, take back or learn from. This is where 'regret' can become a powerful force for growth or a regret trap.
Regret
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When we start asking these questions we can often get a feeling of regret. Regretting the actions we took and regretting the actions we didn't take. Regret is about looking at the negatives that occurred. When we regret taking or not taking an action it can be a powerful tool for change. Once a behaviour has been identified that we regret doing, regret not doing or would like to do differently, it allows us the opportunity to learn and make a choice to change and do things differently when a similar set of events present itself.
For example,
- you feel unappreciated in your current work position and you have worked so hard this year to prove your value and nothing has changed, you may take action to change jobs;
- you have been so fucussed on your career that your relationship has suffered, you may take action to ensure a better work/relationship balance;
- you may have noticed spending a lot more time on your phone and you notice your children modelling this behaviour, you may take action to ensure more valued time together away from screens.
When we identify something that we regret and we remain in that state of regret it causes a 'regret trap'. You become trapped in your state of regret, feeling unable to move past it. This state of remaining in regret or regret trap, can become very damaging as it causes feelings like being trapped, stuck and powerless. This regret trap can keep hold over a very long period of time. For some it may be many years. Have you ever thought about the one that got away and how things may have been different or if only you chose your career differently.
- you feel unappreciated in your current work position and you have worked so hard this year to prove your value and nothing has changed, you may take action to change jobs;
- you have been so fucussed on your career that your relationship has suffered, you may take action to ensure a better work/relationship balance;
- you may have noticed spending a lot more time on your phone and you notice your children modelling this behaviour, you may take action to ensure more valued time together away from screens.
The Regret Trap
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When we get stuck in a regret trap we are unable to fully open ourselves to all the new things that await us. We remain closed off, blocked and in protection mode feeling like life happens to us and out of control of events, powerless. Therefore it is important when you are ready to shed the old, unwanted and unhealthy, in order to make space for the new, wonderful, joyful, abundance, opportunity, adventure, relationship, friendship, information and so much more.
Escaping the Regret Trap
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Balance
One way of escaping the regret trap is to find balance. For every negative, balance it with a positive. No matter how diffiult the regret is that you are facing, there is bound to be a positive when you zoom out from only seeing the negative to seeing the bigger picture to find the positive.
When looking at a regret and thus the negatives of the regret, you might want to ask questions to reflect on the situation to reveal the potential positives. Questions like:
- Did I learn something about myself in this situation?
- What did I learn about what I need?
- What did I learn about what I really want?
- What did I learn about my career, is there something here that I dislike and want to change?
- What did I learn about my relationship and my role, wants, needs in this relationship?
- What did I learn about my friendship and about my role, wants, needs in the friendship?
- What did I learn about being a parent and what might I do differently?
You might find really surprising answers to your questions. For example, you may have had a sales business that hasn't flourished. The negatives might be a financial set back with feelings of failure perhaps. The positives might be the amounth that you have learnt in terms of skills and experience.
Another example could be a relationship that you have been in for a long time where the same issues keep arrising. You may still be in this relationship and feel stuck but you have also during this year had some laughs and some fun...there would likely have been moments of pleasure and joy. You may have learnt how much you are willing to take or what your limits are as well as your wants and needs.
Whatever the scenario is for you, take a moment to zoom out and see the bigger picture. A great practice is to write it down so it is a visual and kineasthetic exercise. Divide the notebook page as you like. Some see the negatives to fit better on the left hand side and the positives on right. Maybe you feel the negatives fit better at the top of the page which leaves loads of space from top to bottom to write the positives you observe.
Choose the style that works for you and get to writing down all the positives, blessings, teachings, a-ha moments, changes you want to make. Keep coming back to your writings whenever regret sets back in. The more you keep balancing negative with positive, you may find your mind moving to positive naturally more and more often as soon as you think of the regret.
Another example could be a relationship that you have been in for a long time where the same issues keep arrising. You may still be in this relationship and feel stuck but you have also during this year had some laughs and some fun...there would likely have been moments of pleasure and joy. You may have learnt how much you are willing to take or what your limits are as well as your wants and needs.
Notebook tip:
Whatever the scenario is for you, take a moment to zoom out and see the bigger picture. A great practice is to write it down so it is a visual and kineasthetic exercise. Divide the notebook page as you like. Some see the negatives to fit better on the left hand side and the positives on right. Maybe you feel the negatives fit better at the top of the page which leaves loads of space from top to bottom to write the positives you observe.
Choose the style that works for you and get to writing down all the positives, blessings, teachings, a-ha moments, changes you want to make. Keep coming back to your writings whenever regret sets back in. The more you keep balancing negative with positive, you may find your mind moving to positive naturally more and more often as soon as you think of the regret.
EFT Tapping
Tapping yourself out of a regret trap is a great way of clearing the blocked energy. It will you get from a feeling of being trapped and into a process of shedding all the stuckness in order to be open for all the new adventures, challenges, opportunities, growth, fun, excitement, blessings, abundance to be received and identified by you.
Start off by identifying the regret or regret trap you may be in currently or one that you have been holding on to for a very long time. Try and identify an emotion that is associated with the specific regret scenario that you are facing for example, grief, loss, embarrassment, failure, rejection, anger, jealousy...
Rate your regret on the SUDS (Subjective Units of Distress Scale) and then move on to tapping.
Tap on the Karate Chop point and make a statement and affirmation 3 times for example:
Even though I have this regret, I love and accept myself completely;
Even though I am a ____ (insert your SUDS level) on the scale, I completely and utterly love and accept myself;
Even though I feel _______ (insert the emotion you identified), I lovingly acklowledge my feelings and the regret I am trapped in and I accept myself anyway.
Tap on each Acupoint in the sequence from Top of Head to Underarm.
Make a statement about your regret situation and the emotion that you have associated with this regret while tapping on the Acupoints.
A tapping script follows (ensure to adapt the statement to fit you specifically):
I regret ____ (add a short statement of the regret);
I wish I did it differently;
If things were different I would _____ (state how it would be different, what you would have done differently or what you will do differently from now on);
I feel so _____ (insert the emotion you feel);
I wish I could have done it differently;
I wonder what it would look like or feel like if things were different or if I chose, behaved, reacted.... differently;
I feel stuck in this regretful situation;
I know it is keeping me stagnant in some, if not all aspects of my life;
I know now that this regret and the emotion associated needs to move out of my system.
Make sure to take a deep breath in and out between rounds and take a measurment. This will allow you to see how you are improving down the scale to zero.
Once you reach zero, round off your tapping with some positive tapping to really seal your progress, open up and set your intentions for change for the new year.
Want to learn Emotional Freedom Techniques?
If you are unfamiliar with EFT and would like to learn tapping for yourself, try my free online course MeTap - FastTrack Course to Living your Best Life with EFT.
Alternatively, learn more advanced or specialized EFT skills by checking out the below courses:
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