Identifying Choice Patterns with the Timeline Method and EFT Tapping
In my last blog post I shared with you a new perspective on the definition of responsibility. This new perspective gave me significant food-for-thought in trying to find patterns in my own choices, past to present, that form a pattern. These patterns of choices stem from events that sparks negative feelings at it's creation and plays out in our decision making over time in ways that aren't always very obvious.
To demonstrate this idea, here are some examples of how different events may play out in decision making over time:
Bullying: A person with an experience of being bullied as a child, might develop a sense of hiding who he/she truly is as the bully planted the seed that there is something wrong with who this person is naturally. This person comes to the conclusion that a new persona or mask must be worn with others in order to be accepted. The fear of being bullied prevails. Decisions might then be made from a vantage point of fear of standing out or not fitting in.
Attachment: Attachment Theory can be rather complex and have many different aspects of which I will demonstrate one in this example. A child that needs attention from a parent but is continually denied such attention or care may develop a sense of rejection. This rejection may be further internalized as there being something wrong with the child or the child not being good enough to be granted the attention that he/she needs.
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| Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay |
Bullying: A person with an experience of being bullied as a child, might develop a sense of hiding who he/she truly is as the bully planted the seed that there is something wrong with who this person is naturally. This person comes to the conclusion that a new persona or mask must be worn with others in order to be accepted. The fear of being bullied prevails. Decisions might then be made from a vantage point of fear of standing out or not fitting in.
Attachment: Attachment Theory can be rather complex and have many different aspects of which I will demonstrate one in this example. A child that needs attention from a parent but is continually denied such attention or care may develop a sense of rejection. This rejection may be further internalized as there being something wrong with the child or the child not being good enough to be granted the attention that he/she needs.
- This person may make choices that at it's core serves to prove that he/she is worthy to the parent. This is often played out in cases where a person is deemed successful by societal norms...yet the person is severely unhappy regardless of achievements.
- Alternatively, the child may choose the opposite route by accepting defeat and making choices to get attention by proving that he/she is not good enough. These choice patterns may play out in adulthood where a person may be labeled as the bad seed or a trouble maker.
- A child observing domestic violence: A child is made to be the observer of a father beating his/her mother. This child feels guilt for being unable to help and powerless in this situation that feels so raw, painful and wrong. Yet, for some this situation becomes the blueprint of what a relationship looks like. Thus, in some cases, a girl may repeatedly find herself in abusive relationships. A boy may find himself as the abuser.
- A child that suffered abuse may develop a sense of mistrust and never feeling safe. Decisions from child to adult are then focused on trying to keep safe and keeping a distance from others as people can't be trusted.
You may be in a position where you know exactly what your choice patterns are and where they stem from. However, for many, this information is not so obvious and may be hidden completely. For this reason I offer a way to determine what your choice patterns may be.
The Timeline Technique
This technique is so eye opening and really help one take a deep-dive into the past to reveal things you may have forgotten or haven't thought about for years. This technique is also a staple in most if not every therapists' toolbox. For this particular exercise I feel it is essential in order to reveal the feelings based on each event in your timeline and thus the choice patterns that emerge from these events.
You will need:
1. Quiet Time: Try to find some time where you can really concentrate and work on this for yourself without being disturbed for about an hour;2. EFT Tapping: If you have any negative feelings before or during this exercise, please use EFT Tapping to help you resolve these negative feelings;
3. Stationary: A couple of different colour pens and a large sheet of paper laid out horizontally.
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| Example of Timeline Blueprint |
Instructions:
1. Draw a line horizontally through the middle of the sheet of paper;
2. On the furthest point to your right, write your current age and the situation you are in right now.
2. On the furthest point to your right, write your current age and the situation you are in right now.
3. Go back to the beginning of your timeline to before birth (prenatal period). On the furthest point to your left, write pre-birth.
4. Create intervals from left (prenatal) to right (current age) in increments of your choosing for example zero to age 5, age 5 - age 10 etc.
5. All positive events and feelings we add to the top of the page (above the mid-line) and all negative events and feelings we add to the bottom half of the page (below the mid-line).
6. Now we start adding the events in our lives starting from prenatal:
- Prenatal: This part is important as even at prenatal period we gain information about who we are, if we were wanted or not, if the pregnancy was difficult or easy, if our parents wanted a boy or a girl and they got the gender they wanted or not, etc
- Birth: Add anything that you may have been told about your birth that either made you feel good or made you feel bad. For example, were you the gender your parents wanted or were you born the gender that you don't feel connected to. Were you wanted or unwanted, were you born with a genetic, mental or physical aspect that makes you different from others and what does that feel like to you.
- Age birth to age 5: Note anything that you remember either positive or negative that happened to you between age zero to 5. Note the exact event and then note what the feeling was associated to that event. You can use different colour pens for marking different emotions (mark similar emotions with the same colour) to help you see any patterns that emerge. During this time, most people remember a feeling rather than a specific event.
- Age 5 - age 10: Keep moving on up the timeline intervals ensuring you try and note down everything and anything you can remember.
- Once you get to your current age - Take a little break, make a cup of tea, take a walk for a few minutes and then return and look at your own timeline again. If you need to, use EFT Tapping to work through emotions that come up for you throughout the timeline work. This will help you work through each event as they come up and also help you to move out of focusing too closely on something specific and zoom out more in order to see the bigger picture and thus patterns emerging.
- Patterns: Have a look at the negative events and specifically the emotions associated with each event. See how and where there are similar emotions that come up. Do the same with the positive events and associated emotions.
Reflections
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| Example of Emotional Timeline - Finding patterns of emotions |
Negative Emotion Patterns
Once you have identified a pattern of emotions along your timeline, take each emotion into your current age and situation. Reflect and note down exactly how each feeling you experienced matches an emotion that may have had an effect on the choices you have made to this point. Reflect on how each emotion is playing a role still in your life now and the choices you are making. For example, if 'fear' came up for you in a pattern, have a look at the choices you have made today that was based in fear. Did you decide to stay quiet in your meeting even though you knew the information you had was of benefit but you feared standing out? Maybe you chose to study Accounting as your father was an Accountant and you feared his disapproval - but you really wanted to study History?Positive Emotion Patterns
It would be of value to do the same for the positive emotional patterns. You may find some insight on the emotions that stand out to you more often. These emotions may often be those that you value most or want more of in your situation now or when you find yourself in a situation that you dislike. Take a look and note down your reflections on the positive emotion patterns you have identified. See how the positive emotions play a part in your decision making. You may find some interesting insights here. For example, do you seek the emotion of joy when you make decisions for example, when choosing a holiday you may wonder if a beach holiday or a country holiday would give you the most joy? If hope came up for you as a pattern in your timeline, maybe you stick it out in a relationship that makes you unhappy as there is always hope that things may change?
Tapping your way through
Use EFT Tapping to work through the emotions that you have been carrying along with you for so long and clear it from your system if they no longer serve you. This will help you in the next steps to make decisions from a different vantage point, albeit slowly. I stipulate slowly as sometimes it can be scary to loose that emotion that you have held on to for so long that has protected you and served a purpose, even when it no longer serves you. For this reason, I say slowly, as it may take several sessions with EFT to help move this emotion slowly out of your system and gradually out of your patterns of choices.
Want to learn Emotional Freedom Techniques?
If you are unfamiliar with EFT and would like to learn tapping for yourself, try my free online course MeTap - FastTrack Course to Living your Best Life with EFT.
Alternatively, learn more advanced or specialized EFT skills by checking out the below courses:
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