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Taking Responsibility For The Choices We Make

What does it really mean to take responsibility?  

Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay 

I was challenged by this concept this week.  I believe I am a person who takes responsibility.  In my definition this meant:
  • When I make a mistake or do something wrong, I realize the opportunity to learn from the mistake and take responsibility for making things right or correcting the error;
  • When a work commitment or issue comes up I take personal responsibility to ensure the tasks required are carried out effectively.  
  • When I say I am going to do something, I make every effort to do what I said I would.  Even when it is the last thing I want to be doing at the time.  
  • Showing up when I say I will.  Showing up for people.  
What I didn't realize until this week, is that all these definitions I have about what it means to take responsibility have everything to do with showing up for everyone else and very little to do with showing up for myself.  

 So what would a definition of responsibility look like that includes showing up for myself.  Well, it seems the definition would include taking back control of the decisions I made over time that placed me on a path and trajectory leading me to the place I am now.  

According to Adyashanti, taking responsibility is about asking yourself:


https://www.adyashanti.org/
'How did I get myself here?'
'How did I get to this point right here, right now?'
'What are the choices I made in my life that have led me to this point?'

Often these question arise when we find ourselves in a situation and a place in our lives that we dislike.  When we find ourselves at these points in our lives, we feel a lack of control.  It may feel like people and situations have control over our lives.  For example:  
  • A boss that makes a person feel small or undermined; or 
  • Being unable to secure a position of employment let alone the position that one actually wants; or
  • Romantic relationships that either don't last or that makes one miserable time and time again.
What if we have more control than we think?  Often we are unaware of the filters we have that affect our choices in life.  We make choices on a daily basis that seem completely separate from the choices we have made on another subject a week ago, a month ago, a year ago or many years ago.  It is often difficult to identify a pattern, and yet this is exactly the information we need to know in order to determine if the choices we are making have a negative effect in our lives.  Therefore, we need to know what the pattern of choices are that we keep making that led us to ask the question now:

'How did I get myself here?'

Often the point at which a person had a negative experience serves as the starting point for a new way of which to view the world (a veil or filter).  This results in a change in choices in every day life that serve this new world view.  For example, where a traumatic event occurred in childhood where a person felt unsafe.  A shift occurs from a view of the world as being safe to one that is now unsafe.  Future choices will be made from this viewpoint of the world being unsafe but more specifically from a viewpoint that this person will never feel safe.  Every choice from here on will likely focus on an attempt to feel safe.  
Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay 
Fast forward 20 years in the future and this person is still making choices from a feeling of being unsafe.  For this person there would be value in understanding and taking responsibility for identifying the choice patterns in order to take his/her power back and work on changing this paradigm that may no longer serve his/her best interest.  Therefore, a change in perspective from looking at the path that has led to the here and now from a viewpoint of having little or no control.  To a mindset of working on past events, learning from them and taking back control of the choices made over time that have led to this point life.  By changing this paradigm we set a mindset in motion that has the potential to change the decisions we make in future for the better. 

By identifying these patterns of choices we made throughout our life path, we take responsibility.  We show up for ourselves and we take control back by learning from this information and start to make different, informed, empowered choices.

Look out for my next post where I will give you an excellent method on how to identify patterns of choices that will help you answer the question:
'How did I get myself here?'

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