Navigating Grief: When Loss Comes Without Warning
I lost my father unexpectedly. Not in some distant, prepared-for way, but suddenly—a phone call that changed everything. In that moment, I entered a landscape of grief I had never traveled before. A grief so raw, so consuming, that breathing itself felt like a conscious choice. This is about that journey, the tools that held me when nothing else could, and how EFT tapping became my lifeline through the unbearable.
When Grief Arrives Unannounced
There's a particular violence to unexpected loss. No time to prepare. No gradual goodbyes. Just the before and the after, separated by a chasm so wide you wonder if you'll ever feel whole again.
My father was here, and then he wasn't. The world kept spinning-people went to work, laughed at jokes, made dinner plans-while mine had stopped completely. How dare the sun still rise? How dare life continue as if the ground beneath my feet hadn't just disappeared?
The first weeks were a blur of shock, logistics, and a grief so physical it felt like my body was trying to reject reality itself. My chest was tight. I moved through the days in a daze. Unable to stomach food. And the waves - oh, the waves of emotion that would crash over me without warning, leaving me gasping and undone.
The Inadequacy of Words
People mean well. They really do. But grief has a way of exposing the limits of language. "I'm sorry for your loss." "He's in a better place." "Time heals all wounds." Each phrase, however well-intentioned, felt like trying to fill the ocean with a teaspoon.
What no one tells you about grief is how lonely it is. Even surrounded by people, you're alone in your specific loss. No one else lost your father, with all his particular quirks, his laugh, the way he said your name.
And the secondary losses - oh, those caught me off guard. Not just losing him, the memories we'll never make again. Losing the human that had a whole life...now only visible in pictures and memories. Losing the person who knew my whole story from the beginning. Losing the stability of having both parents in this world.
Finding EFT in the Darkness
In those first impossible weeks, I couldn't think straight enough to journal. However two techniques helped me through the roughest of days.
1. Meditation became a lifeline I knew I needed to keep up with to get through the day. Talking about it was exhausting and impossible. I needed something I could do when the shock and grief became too much.
2. EFT tapping!
How EFT Helped (and Continues to Help)
EFT didn't make the grief disappear. Nothing can do that, and I wouldn't want it to - this grief is love with nowhere to go. But it did something equally important: it softened the sharp edges.
In the Early Days
During those first brutal weeks, EFT helped me:
Get through the next five minutes. When grief felt too big to survive, tapping broke it down into manageable moments. Just this round. Just this breath. Just now.
Release the physical pain. Grief lives in the body. The chest tightness, the exhaustion, the nausea - tapping helped release some of that physical holding so I could function enough to do what needed doing.
Allow the waves. Instead of fighting the grief when it crashed over me, tapping gave me a way to ride it out. To acknowledge it, honor it, and let it move through.
Now, Just Over A Month Later
Grief doesn't end. It changes. It becomes something you carry rather than something that carries you. EFT continues to help me:
Process memories as they surface. A song. A smell. A turn of phrase he used to say. These memories arrive like ambushes, and tapping helps me be with them without being undone by them.
Navigate the complicated emotions. Grief isn't just sadness. It's anger, guilt, regret, relief (yes, even that), confusion, and love all tangled together. Tapping helps me untangle and process each thread.
Honour both the pain and the healing. Some days I need to tap through the rawness. Other days I tap gratitude for the time we had. Both are true. Both matter.
Soften the "should" voices. The ones that say I should have done this or that, I should have said this or that. Tapping helps me release those unhelpful thoughts and meet myself with compassion.
FREE EFT Tapping Script for Grief
A gentle note before you begin: Grief tapping can bring up intense emotions. That's okay. That's actually the point - to give those emotions a safe way to move through you. Have tissues nearby. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up. You can pause or stop anytime. There's no "right" way to do this. However, consider working with someone like a professional that can hold a safe space for you when intense emotions arise.
How to use this script: Tap each point 5-7 times while saying the phrases out loud or silently. You can adapt the words to fit your specific grief. This is your practice - make it yours. You can repeat this sequence as many times as you need.
Karate Chop Point (side of hand):"Even though this grief is overwhelming and I don't know how to survive this, I deeply and completely accept myself."
"Even though my heart is shattered and the pain feels unbearable, I honor where I am right now."
"Even though nothing will ever be the same, I'm doing the best I can."Top of Head:"This overwhelming grief"Eyebrow:"The loss is too big to hold"Side of Eye:"I don't know how to exist in this world without them"Under Eye:"Everything reminds me of what I've lost"Under Nose:"This pain in my chest that won't stop"Chin:"All the things I'll never get to say"Collarbone:"The future we'll never have"Under Arm:"This grief that has no end"Take a deep breath. Feel what you're feeling. And keep following the above script changing it with words that suit your thoughts, feelings, experience.
When the pain feels lighter you may be ready for a gentle shift:
Top of Head:"This grief is love with nowhere to go"Eyebrow:"I'm learning to carry this love forward"Side of Eye:"I can honour both the pain and the love"Under Eye:"My grief is a testament to what mattered"Under Nose:"I'm allowed to feel all of this"Chin:"I'm allowed to still laugh, still live"Collarbone:"I can be gentle with myself today"Under Arm:"I'm surviving something I thought would destroy me"Close with a deep breath and check in with yourself. How do you feel? What shifted? You might need to do several rounds. You might need to cry. You might feel relief or more pain or both. All of it is okay. All of it is grief doing its work.
Variations for specific grief moments:- For anniversaries/birthdays: Replace phrases with "This day without them" / "The empty chair" / "Another milestone they'll miss"
- For sudden memories: "This memory that caught me off guard" / "The way they used to..." / "I can still hear their voice"
- For guilt or regret: "The things I wish I'd said" / "The time I wasted" / "The choices I can't undo"
- For anger: "The unfairness of this" / "Why them, why now" / "This rage at everything"
A gentle note before you begin: Grief tapping can bring up intense emotions. That's okay. That's actually the point - to give those emotions a safe way to move through you. Have tissues nearby. Give yourself permission to feel whatever comes up. You can pause or stop anytime. There's no "right" way to do this. However, consider working with someone like a professional that can hold a safe space for you when intense emotions arise.
How to use this script: Tap each point 5-7 times while saying the phrases out loud or silently. You can adapt the words to fit your specific grief. This is your practice - make it yours. You can repeat this sequence as many times as you need.
"Even though my heart is shattered and the pain feels unbearable, I honor where I am right now."
"Even though nothing will ever be the same, I'm doing the best I can."
Take a deep breath. Feel what you're feeling. And keep following the above script changing it with words that suit your thoughts, feelings, experience.
When the pain feels lighter you may be ready for a gentle shift:
Close with a deep breath and check in with yourself. How do you feel? What shifted? You might need to do several rounds. You might need to cry. You might feel relief or more pain or both. All of it is okay. All of it is grief doing its work.
- For anniversaries/birthdays: Replace phrases with "This day without them" / "The empty chair" / "Another milestone they'll miss"
- For sudden memories: "This memory that caught me off guard" / "The way they used to..." / "I can still hear their voice"
- For guilt or regret: "The things I wish I'd said" / "The time I wasted" / "The choices I can't undo"
- For anger: "The unfairness of this" / "Why them, why now" / "This rage at everything"
Resources for Your Grief Journey
Tools That Support Me Through Grief:
✋ EFT Tapping & Somatic Resources
Complete EFT Tapping and Somatic Therapy Collection - comprehensive tools for processing difficult emotions and releasing trauma held in the body.📓 Mindfulness Journaling
Mindfulness and Gratitude Journal - a gentle space for processing thoughs, capturing memories, and finding small moments of light in the darkness.🧘 Meditation
My YouTube Channel - guided meditations to help calm the mind.📚 Grief Support Tools
Recommended grief journals and support tools that helps me.
Complete EFT Tapping and Somatic Therapy Collection - comprehensive tools for processing difficult emotions and releasing trauma held in the body.
Mindfulness and Gratitude Journal - a gentle space for processing thoughs, capturing memories, and finding small moments of light in the darkness.
My YouTube Channel - guided meditations to help calm the mind.
Recommended grief journals and support tools that helps me.
A Note on Professional Support
EFT and self-care tools are powerful, but they're not substitutes for professional grief counseling if you need it. If your grief is making it impossible to function, if you're having thoughts of self-harm, or if you're stuck in a place that feels dangerous, please reach out to a grief counselor or therapist.
There's no shame in needing professional support. Grief can be complicated, especially with sudden loss, traumatic circumstances, or when combined with existing mental health challenges. Tools like tapping can work alongside therapy, not instead of it.
If you're on this journey too, I hope these tools help. I hope you find what you need to survive your own impossible loss. And I hope you know that you're not alone, even when grief makes you feel like the loneliest person alive.
With deep compassion for your journey,
The Well-Being Institute
Note: This post contains affiliate links to products I personally use and recommend. If you purchase through these links, I may receive a small commission at no extra cost to you. This helps me keep creating free content like this blog and my YouTube channel. I only recommend products I genuinely believe in and have found helpful in my own recovery journey.
